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by alafaye



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-08
Updated: 2014-12-08
Packaged: 2018-02-28 16:14:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2738810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alafaye/pseuds/alafaye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Steve lets Bucky find him, it's better.</p>
            </blockquote>





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**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2014 advent challenge; masterlist and prompts can be found [here](http://alafaye.livejournal.com/392757.html). This is day 8, 'memories'. Also written for chibi_warumono who, though she did not ask for a fic, is getting a fic. I've had this idea tossing around in my brain for a while and it made the perfect gift for her. I used the following song quotes for additional prompts: "Your faith was strong, but you needed proof", "The last few days have kicked my ass", and "Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I'm home again". It was also inspired by a post on tumblr, wherein the scenario (basically) "Steve walks into the common room looking well fucked and then Bucky enters the room looking the same" happens. Enjoy.

_Christmas_

Steve was late to breakfast and according to Jarvis, he hadn't left for his morning run either. Furthermore, Bucky Barnes had arrived in the Tower in the early hours of the morning.

"I think he's killed him," Tony says eventually.

Natasha shakes her head. "No. If Bucky came here, he has his memories and he wouldn't kill Steve."

"I'm not so sure about that," Sam counters.

"Jarvis would have told us if Steve was dead," Bruce points out.

Tony glares. "I know that. My point still stands."

"Completely bypassing your big brother A.I.?" Clint asks in disbelief.

Tony shrugs. "Odder things have happened. I threatened a terrorist and someone still managed to ring the doorbell."

The elevator doors open and they all quiet down. Steve steps out, wearing only jogging pants. His hair is sticking up in every direction and somehow he's covered in bruises. Not bruises that came from a fight. Well, maybe, but...as Steve is calmly pouring his coffee, ignoring his team mates, the elevator door opens again and Bucky Barnes steps out in a similar state.

"Ha!" Tony yells. "I knew it! All of you, pay up!"

Bucky blinks. "What?"

Steve sighs and pours another cup of coffee.

~~~

_Two Months Earlier_

"Steve," Natasha says, slowly and calmly. Steve's instantly on alert. Sam is backing away. 

"I think it's time to end the search," she finishes. "I don't think he wants to be found."

Steve looks away. "No. I refuse to believe that."

She squeezes her left fist, breaths, and lets go of the fist. Sam slips into the shadows, giving them privacy. He's never said anything, really. Only silently gave Steve his support. Natasha is the one who questions, who makes points, who gets Steve to confess to things, who says the hurtful truths. Steve's beginning to understand Tony's wariness of her.

"We've been looking for almost a year and we haven't found him," she points out. "He doesn't want to be found."

He shakes his head. "Doesn't matter. I have to find him."

"Why?" she asks.

Why. It's the first time she's asked, but it's been there, hiding in their conversations. Even Sam, to a point, had silently asked the same now and then. "I need him. He's...Bucky."

"He's not your Bucky, Steve," she bites out. "No one is anyone's. And while you've been in ice for seventy years, he's got ten years on you even accounting for his time on ice. He's grown and changed. He's killed people for a group that he once hunted. Our intel says no one has him which means he's out there, in the world, relearning everything. Have you considered that he wants to do it in private?"

He doesn't say anything. He can help Bucky remember everything; if only they could find him.

"He's not the person you remember," she continues. "When he wants your help, he'll find you. You're Captain America. You go back to New York and he'll find you when he's ready."

He holds out a map. "Help me pick the next place."

She glares and pulls the map out of his hand. Instead of looking at it, she folds it up and sticks it in her back pocket. "Steven, we're going back to the States. You'll do something heroic and wait for your former lover--"

"Natasha! Please, I need to--"

"But he clearly doesn't need." 

A deep silence falls. Something in Steve feels like it sudden broke. She takes his hands in hers. "I'm sorry. But it's the truth, Steve, and you know it. He doesn't need you right now the way you feel that you do and I don't think you do."

He frowns. "What?"

"Rogers, you're looking for your past in Bucky. Your past is gone, though. It's a new world and you're both new men. Men who don't need each other the way you used to. Go home, take some time. You were starting to find yourself before the whole Hydra mess started. Start again. He's not going to find you, wanting the old Steve Rogers. He's going to want to know that you aren't the same man who wanted the old Bucky."

Fuck, she's right. Steve didn't want to listen, but she is right. He sighs.

~~~

_Christmas Eve_

Steve wakes up, but isn't sure why. It's been weeks since he'd done it, weeks since he finally got used to being somewhere dry and comfortable. Too long again sleeping where he could--on the ground, on beds a few sleeps away from falling apart--but he had gotten used to it again. It wouldn't ever be the same, but you got used to civilian life again. So waking up? Without reason?

"Steve," Bucky says from the shadows.

"Lights," Steve tells Jarvis. The lights only come to half, but Steve freezes when his eyes confirm that it is Bucky in his room. "How'd you get in?"

"Mr. Stark programmed me to allow entry to Sgt. Barnes," Jarvis explains. "I tried to keep him out of your private room, but he bypassed the lock."

Bucky smirks. "Stark's lock was easy to break."

"I suggest an apology will be in order in the morning, but I will tell him myself if you do not," Jarvis threatens.

Steve raises his eyebrows. "I'm surprised you haven't already."

Jarvis is silent, though Steve suspects that the silence is due to Bucky and Jarvis' loyalty to his master. Tony probably had just fallen asleep after days awake. Jarvis would likely tell Tony as soon as he was up.

"You're a hard man to find," Steve says to Bucky.

Bucky shrugs. "A man can easily be lost when he wants to be."

Steve holds in his hurt, remembering Natasha's words. He gets up out of bed, but doesn't close the distance between them. "Jarvis probably told you where your room was. Stark likes to keep guest rooms for certain people."

Bucky bites his lips. "He did, but I wanted to see you first. Wanted to ask something."

Steve holds out his hands. "I'm an open book for you. Always have been."

"Not that you needed to tell me," Bucky teases with a smirk.

It's familiar and yet not. Steve smiles, but it's a broken kind of smile, he can feel it. "Think we might have some relearning to do, though."

Bucky tilts his head to the side and then back. "We might, yeah. A lot of years apart, you and I."

"I'm sorry about that," Steve says quietly.

Bucky waves away the apology. "War happens. Men die in it. What you said, to the end of the line. It was the truth."

"Was?" Steve can't help asking.

Bucky takes a deep breath and looks away. "Might still be. I heard you were looking for the right partner."

Steve narrows his eyes. Had to have been Natasha, but when? Right before he gave up looking for Bucky? She had just appeared out of nowhere before Sam and him had raided another abandoned Soviet warehouse. God damn spies. Tony was right.

"And, you know, I'm kind of remembering that I used to think that I was only ever home when I was with you," Bucky continues, oblivious to Steve's inner thinkings.

Steve licks his lips. "Home, huh?"

Bucky growls, low and short. "Stop teasing, Steve. I'm here for one thing and it's for a kiss I never got to have."

Steve blinks. "Kiss?"

"Kiss," Bucky repeats. He crosses the room and stands in front of Steve. "Lots of us army boys got kisses when they came home. I've been back on U.S. soil for two weeks now and I ain't got a kiss yet."

"Never got my kiss and I've been back for a few years now."

Bucky smiles. "Well, then. Lots of time to make up for."

~~~

_Christmas_

"Thought you healed pretty quick," Clint says, breaking the silence.

Bucky smirks into his cup and Steve blushes. "Depends." He clears his throat. "The harder the hit, the longer it stays."

Tony is eying them with a devilish look. "Jarvis tells me that I not only have to fix the lock on your door, but a bed, too. Should I make the frame out of vibranium?"

Steve closes his eyes in mortification and Bucky laughs long and loudly. "I like him."

Shaking his head, Steve tops up his coffee. "Don't we have presents to open?"

"Looks like you opened yours already," Clint teases.

"Many, many times," Bucky says with a wink.

"Come on, guys," Sam chimes in, standing up. "Presents. Give the love birds some time alone."

Tony snorts. "They've had plenty. I want details and I want to get some more teasing in. Steve's been moping around here, waiting for his true love to recover his memories and come home. I'm due some payment for putting up with it."

As the conversation continues, Bucky slips his hand into Steve's pocket, easy and comfortable. Steve smiles, softly, and shifts so they're hip to hip. Bucky kisses his temple, bold as brass. "The last few years may have kicked my ass, Rogers, but it was worth it. For this."

Steve huffs, but soaks up the feeling of home. Finally.


End file.
